The Splits

Building traditions are an important part of family bonding. Many extended families have long traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation, but it’s important for parents to find new traditions that their children will take as their own.  This creates a bond within the family based on a unique shared experience.

When my oldest daughter first started Trick or Treating on Halloween, I realized she was coming home with far more candy than she could, or should, eat. Sure, I could have pulled some out when she wasn’t looking, but where’s the fun in that?

Lyla All Ready to Split

Ok, it’s totally fun sneaking some out and maybe I did that along the way, but I also decided that she needed to split her candy with her mom and me. After all, we were the ones hauling her around to all of the houses, right? Didn’t we deserve a piece of the pie…I mean, Snickers?

So that’s what we did. We dumped out all of her candy on the table between us and she picked one she wanted and then I picked one I wanted all the way through the pile. I would make arbitrary calls, too. Like, “you can have the pretzels. That’s a freebie.” or “I’m taking all the hard candies, because they’re choking hazards.”

During The Split, we were talking, too. Which is your favorite? Why do you like that flavor? Which house had the best decorations? Which costume did you like the most?

Quinn Gets to Split with Mom

 Now there are three more kids in the family, but each one has learned that when they get home, they get one treat, get out of their costumes and into their pjs, then come back downstairs to do The Splits.  None of them complain. They actually want to do The Splits.

It may be a little bit late and extend bedtime on an already exhausting night, but we had some time together to decompress and bond. It’s one of my favorite parts of Halloween and this year, my daughter, who is now ten years old, said it was her favorite part. All that candy and time walking around through the neighborhood at night with her friends and her favorite part is splitting up the loot with her dad.  That’s a moment that makes me feel like maybe I ‘m not too horrible at this parenting thing.

Part of the appeal of this small piece of the much bigger sugar packed holiday for all of us is that it’s our tradition. It’s a special time that our family shares together after spending most of the holiday around other people. Every year, the kids know to expect parties and costumes and running around the neighborhood to get candy and then coming home and doing The Splits.

Mother's Day 2015 - #H2O4MOM

Lyla (8)

The mother of my children (and conveniently, my wife), Erin, posted this message on my Facebook timeline a few weeks ago:

"Since you asked what I wanted for Mother's Day -- this is it. Please donate to this cause. I can't imagine adding walking 15 miles a day to make sure the kids have water to my "to do" list. Please also explain to the kids the cause and why helping people who need it is a great gift."

Please take a second to click on that link and read the story posted by A Mighty Girl, which is an amazing and inspirational website in its own right, and then come back here. It's easy to skip clicking on the link and figure you get the idea, but please give it a read anyway. It won't take long.

Quinn (6)

It is so easy to focus on the difficulties we personally need to deal with on a day to day basis and forget just how much harder it could be and IS for so many other people in the world. Siabatou Sanneh is an amazing woman, but she is also a symbol for so many mothers who do whatever they can in very difficult circumstances to provide for their families.

 I took Erin's message to heart and immediately ordered all of the books listed on the post to go over them with my kids. We've started reading, but more than that, we've been talking. With four kids of very different ages and abilities, the conversations have varied. Lyla, the oldest, is well aware of the importance of giving back, as it is part of the Lyla Tov Monsters mission. Emmett, the youngest, isn't quite picking up the nuances.  Quinn and Tessa are clearly getting the idea to think about what we can do to help others. They are clearly focused on water now as Quinn mentioned getting baths to people who didn't have them and Tessa thought if people don't have potties, it's good to get them potties.

Tessa (3)

I tried to think of how to make this Mother's Day gift even more meaningful and impactful for Erin. While talking to Lyla about how we can help others who have less than us, she said, "we can encourage other people to help, too."  I had been thinking the exact same thing. Not only could I donate to this very worthy charity, Water for Africa, to help drill boreholes in Gambia to ease to lives of communities without easy access to water, but I could help other people learn about the situation and how they can help bring water to these communities and help spread the word.

Emmett (14 mos)

So here I am, dusting off the old blog to spread the message. If you are at all touched by the story of a mother in Gambia willing to walk 15 miles a day to bring water to her family, please give to help Water for Africa bring water to the communities that need it. Per their website, as of today, they have built 3 boreholes. That's a start, but let's get that number higher! Even if you don't have the ability to give financially, please get the word out by sharing this blog post, A Mighty Girl's Facebook post or a direct link to Water for Africa.  Use the hashtag #H2O4MOM to spread the message far and wide.

Happy Mother's Day, Moms!

Father's Day 2014

Father’s Day is coming up again, and it seems like the Dad buzz is high this year. Apparently, Dads are big in popular culture right now. It seems that people are suddenly realizing that there are involved Dads in the world. Wow! Who knew?

There are all kinds of articles and online photos about Dads actually doing things with their kids and what you should get these Dads for Father’s Day because “today’s Dad is more involved with his kids than ever!” There are still plenty of people trying to get you to buy cuff links (which would clearly get caught in your daughter’s hair, so…) or some cool gadget (that your kid would break within a day, so…)

...so, I got to thinking what I would really want for Father’s. I thought about it enough to write up my biennial blog posting, because every couple of years 140 characters or a Facebook post just aren’t enough for me. Last time I posted, I had my first Father’s Day with 3 kids.  This time, it’s my first Father’s Day with 4 kids. If the guy who wrote that last post read this one, he would be shocked (and probably scared), but here I am with 4 kids. #DadPlus4

Pencil holder and paperweight

And that brings me to what I want for Father’s Day. I actually don’t want anything more than I expect on Father’s Day, which will be akin to previous gifts of pencil holders and paperweights.  What I really want, though, as a dad of four, is Time.

I want one-on-one time with each of my kids. One day with each, maybe? My wife and I have discussed doing this. Each of us having a day with each kid to focus solely on her or him, but life with four kids makes it incredibly difficult to arrange. Heck, life with three kids made it hard enough!

But I think about how nice it would be to have the time to talk about the world (and other worlds) to my 7 year old without having to turn away from her to deal with a crying 2 year old or keep the 6 year old from waking the baby or one of the millions of other things that comes up when you have a big family.

I could take my 6 year old out on a guys' trip where we just sit quietly and enjoy being together. When we’re alone he’ll do that.  With the rest of the kids around, if he tries to sit with me, I can’t stay for long, because someone else wants or needs something or is teetering on the brink of disaster or needs to be beside me, too, which turns into a shoving match.

My 2 year old could have me all to herself to hug and kiss. She could show off for me without having to worry about a brother or sister trying to hone in on the act. I could ask her questions and give her time to answer without anyone else jumping in to answer before she could.  When she wants me to pick her up to dance, I could do it without having to worry about the bigger (much heavier) kids also wanting to be picked up.

The baby doesn’t need me alone for long, I don’t think. He probably gets me to himself more than anyone else does, even if it's twenty minutes when the rest of the kids have gone to bed. Judging by his smiles and laughs, he loves it. I just need to make the time for him in chunks and I think we’ll both be ok with that…for now.

I know I there are solutions to make this happen and in the end, I guess the only person that can give this Father’s Day gift to me is me. Time to get a plan in motion!

Happy Father’s Day to all the other dads out there! I hope you get some one-on-one time with your kids, so you can get to know each other just a little bit better.

Father's Day

Tomorrow is Father's Day.  I've been thinking about it enough to actually blog something for the first time in a long, long time.

My assumption is that I'll get lots of "Happy Father's Day!" and some cute presents that I'll love (even if it's a fist full of dirt).  I don't really care about getting presents for Father's Day.  I do care that my oldest will put some thought and creativity into it, my wacky boy will be thrilled to hand something to me (and probably shout "Happy Father's Day!" a bazillion times) and my baby will smile at me, 'cause she's really good at that.  This is the first time I'll be spending Father's Day with three people celebrating me.

They'll probably do that for about an hour after I wake up.  I may be lucky enough to sleep in tomorrow... like until 7:30am or maybe even 8:00am, but if I don't, I'm cool with that, 'cause it means Erin gets to sleep later and being a mom is far more exhausting than being a dad.  So the kids will be thrilled to celebrate me for about an hour and then go back to being my kids and probably whining, climbing on top of each other, complaining, destroying things, not wanting to eat what we give them or smiling at me.  Tessa is really a pretty awesome baby.  She smiles at me a lot.

I love my kids, and I love being a dad.  But really, none of that is enough to want me to dig up the old blog I haven't posted on in two years.  (Sorry, Tessa!  I didn't even post that you were born on here, but... well, Facebook totally killed this blog.)  Really, what brought it up is thinking about how I celebrate my father.

My father died when I was 18 years old.  Astoundingly, that was 22 years ago.  I've spent more years missing him than I spent with him.  My kids saved Father's Day from being only about missing my dad.  It's kind of hard not to think about your dead dad at a time when you see ads about what to get dad for Father's Day and whether he'd want a new smartphone or an iPad or an HD TV or one of the many other awesome things my dad never even got to know would exist.

I wish he could know about all those things.  I wish he could know about how amazing my wife is and how miserable/happy/exhausted/elated my own kids make me.  I wish he could know what I made of my life.  It's not always the greatest, but I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished, and I think he'd be damn proud of me.

This year might be harder for me than most years, because not only am I a father three times over, but a few weeks ago, my next door neighbor passed away.  He left behind his wife and two teenage boys.  I can imagine what they're going to go through tomorrow.  The first Father's Day without their father.  I can imagine it, because I've lived through it.  It sucks.  It really, really sucks.  And it never gets better, but it gets easier sometimes.  You keep yourself busy and you focus on the dads around you.  Grandfathers' or uncles or friends with new babies... BEING a dad is awesome.  Missing a dad is not.

So, tomorrow, on Father's Day, you might be having a cookout or brunch or a steak dinner or doing something special with your dad.   Or, you might not be with your dad, but give him a call or Skype with him or text him.  Whatever you do, let him know that you love the heck out of him, 'cause some of us don't get to do that and really wish we had the opportunity that you do.  Don't just go through the paces this time.  Even if your dad pisses you off, 'cause dads can do that some times.  Love him anyway and let him know, in whatever way works for your relationship, that he's important to you.

And for those of you who are missing your dad this Father's Day or any other day... well... you're not alone.

Did You Miss Us?

Once again, I find myself apologizing for not updating this blog. This time it's been four months. Shameful, I know. There's lots of reasons for this. I put a lot of emphasis on putting up pictures and that takes a lot of time/effort. There are probably easier ways to do it than the way I do, but I haven't found something I like. The four months I've missed are a little intimidating, too. I've missed so much that I should fill you, dear reader, in on.

So, I've decided to just start right now. Forget the past and begin a new bloggity blog style and just write up what I want when I think of it. Maybe a sentence, maybe a picture thrown in there. Who knows!?

The Black family has been very busy lately. Erin has been working multiple jobs and we've had a revolving door of babysitters taking care of the kids. This past weekend we took part in a craft fair in Queens, selling Lyla Tov Monsters, sweaters and notecards. These all happen to be on sale at www.blacksrock.etsy.com as well.

I'll dedicate another post to talk about the Lyla Tov Monsters (see picture above), assuming I get into the swing of this blogging thing...

Yesterday, I took a day off from work to hang out with the kids and we went to the Queens County Farm Museum to pick some pumpkins. The weather has been fantastic! It was a great morning with the successful acquisition of three pumpkins and looking at lots of animals. Lyla painted her pumpkin soon after we got home, but Quinn prefers its natural state at the moment. We'll carve the third one closer to Halloween.

That's it for now. Let's see if I can post before another four months pass us by...

Quinn Turns Two!

Quinn hit his second year with style throwing our first ever backyard bash. His friends all had a great time playing in the sandbox, drinking juice boxes and riding around in plastic vehicles. Pics of the festivities are up in his birthday image gallery.

He even got to show off a little of his walking, though he seemed to still prefer the crawl.

Lyla's New Bike - Trike-a-thon

Lyla got a chance to put her new bike to the test during a neighborhood trike-a-thon to raise money for Hope & Heroes. Quinn mostly was carried along, though he did get some time on his trike. He's just not so big on keeping his feet on the pedals just yet. More pics to come later... you know... eventually...

Back by Popular Demand!

I've neglected The Rock for too long it would seem and the outrage has been singular (namely from my brother). So, to keep you upon the Black Family's activities, I've put December and January up in one gallery.

The quick update is that Quinn is walking around a little more when supported, but still not on his own. He also just started speech and feeding therapy (that makes three therapies... oy!). He LOVES his Music for Aardvarks class and just about anything else having to do with music. On the other hand, he's not a big fan of snow.

Lyla is still having a great time in her dance classes and at pre-school. She spends a lot of time in our "Art Center" and has made many valentines and other artistic masterpieces.

We currently are having a couple weeks of grandmother mania. Erin is doing some work for NYU, so our mom's have agreed to help out with the kids. Grandma Jane is in right now and about to head back to Wisconsin. Next week, Mima comes over to put in her time with the little ones.

Lyla and Quinn will be making a visit to the mikvah next week to have their official conversion to Judaism and then on Saturday, they'll receive their Hebrew names at our synagogue.

I should have made a New Year's resolution to fill in the blog more, but I guess I missed that boat. Oh well! ;-)

Happy Hannukah!

Tonight is the last night of Hannukah, so I just have enough time to get this greeting up! We hope you all had a great Hannukah.

We had a great November and got to see lots of friends and family, as you can see by our November Photo Gallery. December has been a little rough with cold season and some little aches and pains along the way, but we're hoping everyone is in great shape for next week when we head out to Wisconsin to celebrate Christmas with the Slattery's!

We wish all of you a very happy New Year! May it be filled with love, laughter and health.

Black Friday!!

What better way to celebrate our family's national holiday, Black Friday than shopping with us! If you're planning on shopping at Amazon, do it through our link below. It will keep our kids cute. I swear! We'll be able to keep them fed and clothed and it won't really make a difference to you if you're shopping there anyway.

October Photos are Up!

The latest photo album is up for your viewing pleasure.

Things are going pretty well in the Black Haus. Lyla informed me the other night, "You're the best daddy I ever had. I'm gonna love you forever. You're my hero." Lyla now has a pony, ice cream for dinner every night and a gold tea set for her dolls. Aside from that, she's been loving pre-school and is coming home with all kinds of new information and stories to tell us. It's kind of odd that she has a life without either of her parents around.

Quinn has gotten pretty good about pulling himself up on tables, drawers, cabinets, etc. and can now get himself back to sitting, too. He still isn't walking, though. We're not sure if he still hasn't developed the leg strength for it, he's too scared to try or he's just plain lazy. Hopefully he'll get walking soon, but for now, he's crawling like a demon and opening up and emptying every cabinet he can. He hasn't done much in the way of talking either. The most he'll say is "hi" and "mumma". However, he LOVES music. He'll sway back and forth to the beat as soon as he hears any music and he plays the instruments in his music class with total glee.

Quinn Crawling

So, Quinn finally got shaped up enough to get to crawling a few weeks ago. He has low muscle tone, which has led to developmental delays in a few areas, like mobility. Erin has been dealing with juggling his physical therapy and occupational therapy for the last six months or so. Unfortunately, the Early Intervention program is filled with a bunch of therapists who don't really answer to anyone and can shift around appointments whenever they want or not show up or show up late. Whatever works for them, which has made it very difficult to schedule for Erin, Lyla and Quinn's time.

Erin ended up taking Quinn to another therapist outside of Early Intervention who she drives to (yay for having a car!), but that makes 5 times a week he has therapy. He'd better start catching up soon to stop this madness. However, he has started making strides standing while holding on to things like tables and is crawling all over the place, which is fantastic.

So, with no further ado... here's Quinn crawling!

Settling into Autumn

The September Gallery is up! Everything is going pretty well, aside from the regular kid issues like crying for unknown reasons and whining and sibling rivalry. I'll update a bit more on that later and have some video of Quinn crawling... finally!

No Tears Today!

Lyla appears to be getting into her groove. Today, she just walked right on up the stairs without even asking me to come up to the classroom. Yesterday, she told me she wanted me to leave her in the classroom, but today was fine heading up on her own.

One of the teachers told me that yesterday, once Lyla was sitting down on the carpet, she looked around, realized no one else was crying and calmed down and stopped crying. After that, the rest of the day was totally fine.

Here's hoping I'm done with the pre pre-school tears!

Instead of chronicling Lyla's pre-school saga in my Facebook status, I realized I should use the blog and open up the info to people like... oh... my mom. Hi, Mom!

The first two days of pre-school were great. We had gone to an orientation earlier and Lyla met the teachers and saw the classroom. Then when I dropped her off on the first couple days, she was a little skeptical about the process, but didn't break down crying. To explain the process, we would enter the school, go downstairs into a little out of the way lobby and wait for the teachers to come get the kids. They would take the kids up another set of stairs and into their classroom.

The third day, since Lyla seemed mostly ok and since all had gone well the first couple days, I asked Lyla for a hug and a kiss before she headed off. Big mistake! She gave me a hug, refused to let go and started wailing and screaming that she needed her Daddy to stay with her. I tried to calm her down and failed. I realized I just had to leave and took off as the teacher who was holding her hand as Lyla went boneless, started to say, "Daddy, I think you just need to leave and..." and then saw I was already half way up the stairs.

Today, the pre-school's new plan was to take the kids in through a different door, so the parents could take the kids up to the classroom instead of dropping them off at the other door. While this worked for many kids and parents, it was a total failure for us. Lyla was fine as I was leaving her at the door, then saw the other parents going up and started to get teary eyed and turned back to find me and wanted me to go upstairs to the classroom with her. Once there, she grabbed onto me again and refused to let go. Once again, I had to pry her off and make a break for it. This time, I ended up right outside her window and got to listen to her screaming. Fortunately it subsided after a couple minutes. Any bets on how much longer this will happen? I'm hoping not much more.

I do have to say, it's nice to hear her say, "I want my daddy to stay with me forever", even if she says it while crying her head off and clinging to me for dear life. I'm sure forever will be over when she's a teenager.

I'm Catching Up!

I've got the August Gallery up! Yay for me! We're only most of the way through September.

The gallery includes pictures of crazy couple weeks for us. We traveled to Oshkosh, left the kids with their grandparents there, drove to Chicago for Jamie and Joe's wedding, then Erin brought me to the airport in Milwaukee to head back to NYC solo.

My flight got diverted due to "developing weather" and I spent 5 hours sitting on a runway in Newburgh, NY. At least the kids weren't with me! Erin and the kids stayed in Oshkosh for a few more days, then brought Jane back to NYC with them. She watched the kids while we went to Alissa and Kyle's wedding in Massachusetts.

I hope you enjoy the pictures! Now I have to start getting September pics ready. Here's a sneak peak from Lyla's first day of pre-school.

Shana Tova!

The Black Family wishes everyone a happy and healthy Jewish New Year. I know it's been forever since I've gotten anything up here, but I FINALLY have the July Gallery up. Hopefully, I'll have August up shortly, too. Sorry for the delays and enjoy!

We Survived!!

I know this has taken a long time to update, but first, my computer died. Motherboard just blew out. Then, I used Erin's computer and spent about an hour updating how my weekend with the kids went. Then, it turns out I wasn't actually logged in and three quarters of what I wrote disappeared. I didn't have the heart to write it again. Now a little time has gone by and I have my new MacBook Pro, so I'll try and rally enough energy to give you a shorter version of my weekend. Here's what had been saved and a little bit more...

Well, I made it through the weekend and Lyla and Quinn still have all their fingers and toes and are in good health.

Saturday went pretty much as planned. It took a little while to find The Little Mermaid, which I thought Lyla would enjoy. I didn't really think about the irony of watching that for "Sushi and a Movie" night until later. Lyla got a little whiney during the whole, "I think I have a Blockbuster account, but don't know where my card is and don't know which of my previous addesses it would be connected with, so I should open a new account" portion of the trip. But overall, both kids were great through that and running to the grocery store to pick up some needed items. Lyla managed to convince me that she needed pink ice cream, too.

We made it home in time for lunch and then managed an hour nap with Lyla before Quinn woke up from his nap. After naptime, I got everyone ready to roll and out the door to go to the park. Fortunately, the timing worked out, so my friend Julie, who was visiting from London was able to meet up with us before heading back to England. She met us at the park and hung out for a little bit, then came back to the house for a little while before her next visit with people.

Quinn, as usual, was super easy to put down for bed, then Lyla and I got down to "Sushi and a Movie. As I mentioned before, The Little Mermaid may not have been the best Sushi movie in the world. However, "Les Poissons" was fantastic to watch and popping eel into my mouth during Flotsam and Jetsam's devious moments was great. I didn't explain any of that to Lyla, though. She went to bed pretty easily.

Now the downside of Saturday was that Lyla took a few bumps. First, I accidentally got some sunscreen in her eye was I was getting her ready to go out. I got her cleaned up and calmed down, but it looked like she had a shiner the rest of the day. Next, while helping with making lunch, she fell off her stool and bumped her chin on the counter. Finally, while walking home from the park, she was trying to pull on my shirt and fell down and scraped her knees. She was a trooper through all of it.

On Sunday, we went to Igloo Cafe for brunch and saw Lyla's friend Zoe and her mom and dad, Chrissy and George. George was conveniently visiting our table in time to watch Quinn while I took Lyla to the potty and discovered the cool new toilet with the build in potty seat. Amazing what they have these days!

After naptime cousin Michelle and Becker came to visit and go to the Beer Garden. All was going great there, until Michelle was giving Quinn his dinner and then he decided to puke all over himself, his seat, the table, the ground and anywhere else he could. We headed home a little earlier than expected and Michelle and Becker took care of the kids while I cleaned up the mess. Quinn seemed fine despite the experience. I was too tired to make the test cake.

On Monday, I got the pool filled up after Quinn's morning nap. Lyla was great during Quinn's speech evaluation and it went well. The evaluator said Quinn probably wouldn't qualify as he communicates well non-verbally. Then naptime was extra long for Lyla, so we didn't have time to go out to the pool and she woke up part way through Quinn's OT. Then not too long after that, Erin came home.

Now, this is all almost a month later, so I'm sure I forgot lots. I seem to remember Monday being very difficult, but I think Lyla was just being a pain in the butt in the morning, which is why I couldn't get the pool filled up during Quinn's nap. Overall, I managed to keep it all under control.

Now that I've switched to a new computer, I need to figure out how I'm going to get photo galleries up. I might change how I do it, so hold on for new pictures. I've got some great ones!

Weekend for Three

Erin is off to Chicago for the weekend and I'm home with the kids all by myself, so I figured I'd utilize this blog to schedule out my weekend. Then I can let you all now how it went afterward. I definitely don't expect it to go as planned, but here's what I'm hoping to do [note: I started this Saturday morning, but I'm not posting it until Saturday night, but I'm not changing the content]:

Saturday (after Erin leaves):

• morning: run errands. Go rent a DVD for "Sushi and a Movie" night with Lyla. Grab some needed groceries
• noon: if home in time for lunch, great. If not, stop at a restaurant. I already remembered to pack Quinn's food!
• Naptime
• late afternoon: go to the park. Might have company for this. A few people may be available for a visit.
• evening: dinner for Quinn then put him down and it's time for "Sushi and a Movie" with Lyla.
• Put Lyla to bed and take care of some kitchen stuff that needs to be done, like repacking chicken breasts for freezing and hard boiling some eggs for the kids.
• Pray the kids sleep through the night.
  

Sunday

• morning: pray the kids have slept through the night.
• late morning: either brunch at Igloo or trip to Target.
  
• Naptime
• late afternoon: Beer Garden with Michelle and Becker and maybe Beth. Probably have dinner there or order in at home.
• evening: put kids to bed.
• make test cake for Lyla's birthday.
  
• pray kids sleep through the night.

Monday

• morning: pray the kids have slept through the night.
• later morning: while Quinn naps, go around back and fill up the little pool for later in the day.
• late morning: not sure. Maybe go to the playground across the street for a little bit.
• afternoon: lunch and then Quinn has an evaluation for speech therapy. He makes a lot of pterodactyl type noises, but isn't saying any words yet. It's all part of his low muscle tone, but that's a blog for another day.
• naptime!
• go to the backyard/cement square and play in the pool, water the plants, have Quinn's OT come there for his session.
• Erin should be home by dinner!

That's the plan. I'll try to let you know how it went on Monday or Tuesday night...

June Pictures are up!

I've got our June gallery up and ready for your viewing enjoyment. Our summer is jam packed with lots of fun and craziness. June included my college reunion, Quinn's first birthday (and party), Joel and Becca's wedding (and the kids visit with Mima) and hanging in the Hamptons with Arthur and the Leavitts. July and August are almost as busy, too.